1Unto thee, O LORD, do I lift up my soul.
2O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me.
How many times whether in good times or bad do we honestly and truly lift our souls up to Him, our Creator? How long does it really take for us to place our trust in Him, our Abba Father? How often do we seriously doubt the love He has for us, His children?
I can honestly say - more often than not - and that is an embarrassing confession!! I struggle with trying to fix things myself, or plan strategically based on my own understanding of the situation, or compartmentalizing my feelings, suppressing them to pull up my boot straps to charge forward!! My cooping skills have served me well, until now.
17The troubles of my heart are enlarged: O bring thou me out of my distresses.
18Look upon mine affliction and my pain; and forgive all my sins.
God desires my whole heart!! and in order to get it He pointed out a few things that I have never dealt with. I had buried them so deep that I burned the bridge when I left that country and never looked back!! Jesus was the only One who knew they were there, He is the only One who loves me enough to bring it to light so that He can perform surgery to remove the root cause & the infection that has spread to other areas of my past, so it will no longer hold me in my present so that I will be truly free in my future!!
Trust me - scary is not even the tip of the iceberg!! This toxic waste has been a part of me that I have chosen to block out for almost 2 decades, that I don't even remember most of, but God knows. He saw everything and remembers it clearly, no fabrication, exaggeration, or various points of perspectives, just clear truth which is really not as hard as I thought it would be to face. my Abba Father loves me tenderly and disciplines me in a way that is not condemning, He encourages me in a loving way that washes over me with amazing peace and tranquility so the fury of raw human emotion subside so I can see the clear truth of what happened!!!
Healing begins with opening up to my LORD and Savior, allowing Him to lead me to the truth, then letting the Great Physician to perform surgery, and then rest in His arms for recovery!!